December 08, 2011

Avoid Family Feuds this Holiday Season

The holiday season is upon us. Before we know it, we’ll be gathered around the dinner table with loved ones to enjoy the food, fun and festivities. For many, this is a wonderful time of year to reconnect and celebrate. But for some families, the holiday togetherness can lead to stress and friction. Here are four suggestions to help you avoid family feuds this holiday season and make the most of your time together.

Disconnect from the drama
If your family is prone to family feuds, consider limiting the time you spend with them this holiday season. If you know a certain conflict is bound to come up, plan ahead. Think about how you will handle it. What will you say or do, if anything? You may need to intentionally disconnect from the emotional commotion to make this year's family interaction as pleasant as possible. Don’t unleash your resentments for past wrongdoings and don’t allow relatives to do the same to you. If some family visits are not enjoyable, consider limiting the time you commit to them, and make other plans with family (or friends) you do enjoy. 

Stay out of in-law arguments
Be careful not to get involved in in-law disputes. The holiday gathering is not the time or place to divulge your disdain for your spouse’s mother or your brother’s wife. If you’re asked for advice about an in-law, try to be supportive. And beware that if you do get involved, no matter how good your intentions, you’ll most likely end up being the “bad guy.” And resist the urge to become defensive if you become the focus of an in-law driven feud. Taking the high road will be worth it in the long run.

Keep the kids out of the conflict
After a separation, divorce or remarriage, many things change, including holiday celebrations with children. There could still be unsettled agreements or lingering resentments involving the kids. Sadly, children are often used as pawns between bickering parents. This damages the spirit of the child and only adds more turmoil to all families involved. Don’t use kids as pawns or players in adult conflicts. Try to keep adult issues between the adults involved and honor this time of year for the children’s sake.

Make realistic expectations
Many times we look back on the holidays of our youth and yearn for the sense of wonder and joy we felt. Perhaps that sense of wonder is gone from your adult holidays, but that doesn't mean you can't make the most of the experience. Be realistic when you plan for the holidays, and don't let lofty expectations or memories of the good ol’ days ruin your spirit. 

Don’t let the challenges of family friction or feuds turn into crisis this holiday season. If disagreements aren’t resolved by the New Year, that doesn't mean it resolution isn't possible. You and your family may need to live with how things are, for now. When tempers cool, reconnect with family members involved in the conflict, and let them know you are willing to come together and resolve the issue. Sometimes professional help, such as counseling, can facilitate family healing.

If you or someone you love needs help, contact Centerstone at 888-291- HELP (4357)

About Centerstone
Centerstone, a not-for-profit organization, is the nation's largest provider of community-based behavioral healthcare. It provides a full range of mental health, addiction and related educational services to more than 75,000 individuals of all ages each year. The organization has nearly 130 facilities and 220 partnership locations throughout Indiana and Tennessee. It also operates the Centerstone Foundation; the Centerstone Research Institute (CRI), which is improving mental healthcare through innovative research and information technology; Not Alone, which provides confidential, no-cost support and mental health services to service members, combat veterans and their loved ones; and Advantage Behavioral Health, a behavioral health administrative management organization.

Susan GillpatrickAbout Susan Gillpatrick, MEd, LPC, CTS
Susan Gillpatrick, Centerstone Crisis Management Specialist, primarily works in the field with clients in critical incident response situations, and in Centerstone’s wellness trainings and presentations.  She is also responsible for planning and implementing marketing and growth strategies for Centerstone’s Crisis Management Strategies.

Ms. Gillpatrick is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Trauma Specialist, Certified Workplace Conflict Mediator, and Mental Health Service Provider in the state of Tennessee and a National Certified Counselor.  She is also a member the American Counseling Association, the Association of Traumatic Stress Specialists, the Tennessee Mental Health Counseling Association, and the Middle Tennessee Employee Assistance Professionals Association.  She is a frequent presenter at local and national conferences, and has had numerous articles published.  She received her Master of Education degree in Human Development Counseling from Peabody College at Vanderbilt University.

To request Susan Gillpatrick to speak with your group or organization about complete wellness in living, contact her at (615) 460-4445 or susan.gillpatrick@centerstone.org.