February 28, 2011

Six Simple Secrets of Great Relationships

What are the essential qualities of a great relationship? Communication and conflict resolution skills are certainly at the top of the list. But there are other skills and simple secrets to keep your relationship healthy and thriving. Below are six to consider:

Share secrets
The best relationships involve friends who are open and honest with each other. They are not afraid to share parts of themselves with their partner. A strong sense of safety and trust is necessary in sharing secrets with each other – secrets that reveal your greatest interests, desires, dreams and disappointments. Being vulnerable increases intimacy and strengthens the relationship bond. Honor each other by being a safe place for your partner to share their secrets.

Cultivate common interests
Spending quality time together is crucial. This time can be with friends, dining out, attending a sporting event or cuddling together while watching a favorite movie. The event is not what is important. Just being together and doing something that you both enjoy will build a stronger relationship. Be creative in cultivating common interests. Inquire about your mate’s hobbies and interests. Be open to learning something new, and share ideas with each other about common activities and interests. This will keep the fun in the friendship!

Pursue personal passions
As important as it is to spend quality time together, it is equally important to give your mate time to do something they enjoy independently. You must maintain a healthy sense of “self” in any relationship. Reflect on your own forgotten hobbies, and dive into personal pursuits that unleash your passions and unique gifts. Whether it’s playing a musical instrument, baking or bowling, allow yourself some time to enjoy life apart from your partner. You will then feel renewing and refreshed as a couple!

Show support
Actions and words that show support of each other are keys to a great relationship. Find ways to validate your respect for each other. Remind him (or her) that he is a wonderful mate, husband and father (whichever applies). Lavish him with compliments, kind words that are often assumed and not spoken. When the other person fails or simply feels down or insecure, your encouragement is an opportunity to build them up by showing your sincere support. This is a blessing of a partnership – having your mate remind you of your greatness, in good times and in bad.

Forego the fairytale
When couples first get together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the little annoying things the other person does and perhaps maintain a fairytale that all imperfections will disappear. Having unrealistic expectation about who the other person “will become” or how ideal the relationship will always be destines it for disaster. Great relationships require ongoing effort based upon the love and values shared. Allow for shortcomings, and be flexible as you work to create and maintain a great –but real– relationship.

Release resentments
When you cannot let go of your guilt, regrets and resentments, there might as well be a chain connecting you to the past. Be willing to forgive and learn from relationship mistakes that will certainly occur. Living in a pain-filled past and harboring (what may be justified) resentments breeds a bacteria that stifles the growth of any relationship. What resentments should you release?

If you or someone you love needs help, contact Centerstone at 888-291- HELP (4357).

If you are in crisis, call Centerstone’s 24-Hour Crisis Intervention Hotline at 800-681-7444.

For more of Susan's Wellness advice, visit our Health and Wellness page.

About Centerstone
Centerstone, a not-for-profit organization, has provided a wide range of mental health and addiction services to people of all ages for more than 50 years. Through more than 60 facilities and 170 partnership locations across Middle Tennessee, Centerstone serves more than 50,000 children, adolescents, adults and seniors each year. Centerstone is accredited by the Commission on Accreditation of Rehabilitation Facilities (CARF). For more information about Centerstone, please call 888-291-4357.

Susan GillpatrickAbout Susan Gillpatrick, MEd, LPC, CTS
Susan Gillpatrick, Centerstone Crisis Management Specialist, primarily works in the field with clients in critical incident response situations, and in Centerstone’s wellness trainings and presentations.  She is also responsible for planning and implementing marketing and growth strategies for Centerstone’s Crisis Management Strategies.

Ms. Gillpatrick is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Trauma Specialist, Certified Workplace Conflict Mediator, and Mental Health Service Provider in the state of Tennessee and a National Certified Counselor.  She is also a member the American Counseling Association, the Association of Traumatic Stress Specialists, the Tennessee Mental Health Counseling Association, and the Middle Tennessee Employee Assistance Professionals Association.  She is a frequent presenter at local and national conferences, and has had numerous articles published.  She received her Master of Education degree in Human Development Counseling from Peabody College at Vanderbilt University.

To request Susan Gillpatrick to speak with your group or organization about complete wellness in living, contact her at (615) 460-4445 or susan.gillpatrick@centerstone.org.