The holiday season can be an especially emotional time for parents grieving the loss of a child. Traditions, reminders, and expectations that once brought joy can now feel heavy or overwhelming. At the same time, parents are trying to stay emotionally present for their surviving children may also be+ navigating their own grief in ways that may look different.

This article offers guidance to help parents care for themselves while nurturing strong, supportive relationships with their surviving children during the holidays. With compassion, realistic expectations, and open communication, families can create space for both grief and connection as they navigate the season together. While the type of emotional reaction and intensity can likely vary based on age, common reactions in kids include:
• Withdrawal or isolation
• Anger or tantrums
• Irritability
• Showing no emotion
• Loss of interest in things they enjoy
• Engaging in hobbies as a means of distraction

Ashley Angerer-Blunt, Director of Outpatient Services at Centerstone, recommends that parents respond to these behaviors by talking about it and/or creating rituals surrounding it. While there is no set timeline for grief, if around the three-month mark intense grief has not yet improved or is starting to hinder one’s safety or physical health, it may be time to seek professional support from a therapist or counselor.

Setting aside specific time dedicated to grief as a family can be helpful. Parents can use this time to talk to surviving children, acknowledge that they’re hurting, and share stories or rituals. “Set their place at the table, cook their favorite meal, etc. Include the deceased in those rituals, especially around the holidays,” Angerer-Blunt adds.

It’s important for parents to keep in mind that sometimes, surviving children may feel forgotten because everyone is focused on the absence of their sibling but not actually asking them how they feel. Though it is incredibly hard, try your best to still be present as a parent for them. Angerer-Blunt says, “remind yourself and the kids that it’s okay to laugh and have fun even though that person is gone and there is no reason to feel guilty for doing so.”

Supporting children while you are grieving is undoubtedly challenging, which is why it’s important to remember that holiday traditions can, and likely will, look a little different following the loss of a child. While maintaining a few comforting routines can help with stability, know that you are allowed to skip the holiday or completely transform it into something else that works for your family at that time.

In the midst of holiday stress, it’s important to still take time to honor your grief. It may be helpful to set aside 20 minutes each day to lean into it, allowing yourself to release some emotions without letting them consume the day. After that time is up, go do something for yourself (take a walk, take a shower, journal, etc.). Physical activity is often helpful. “Model this behavior for your kids. Show them that it’s okay to cry and feel angry or upset as much as it is okay to still laugh and feel joy. Don’t be afraid to show emotion in front of them, as well as healthy ways to cope,” Angerer-Blunt adds.

It is common for parents to feel overwhelmed or even guilty about not being fully emotionally present for their surviving children. To this, Angerer-Blunt encourages parents to “take the pressure off yourself and grant yourself some grace.”

Parenting through grief, especially during the holidays, takes strength, patience, and compassion. There is no perfect way to navigate this season, and it’s natural for emotions to ebb and flow. What matters most is staying connected in small, meaningful ways and giving yourself and your surviving children room to feel what you each need to feel.

Healing is not a linear process, but with support and openness, it’s possible to create space for both sorrow and love as you move through the holidays together.

If you’re seeking thoughtful, experienced support as you navigate your grief journey, our team at Centerstone is here to help. We offer evidence-informed counseling services designed to meet you where you are and support you in moving forward with resilience. To explore how we can assist you, contact us at 1-877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our website to learn more about our counseling services.