As the new year begins, many of us start reflecting on how the previous year went, what we accomplished, and what we hope to achieve in the future. Typical new year’s resolutions are focused on habits or attributes we hope to adopt to better ourselves in some way. However, the issue with typical new year’s resolutions is that they tend to take an all-or-nothing approach, “I’ll never eat junk food” or “I’m going to wake up at 6:00 a.m. every day.” Enter anti-resolutions. Anti-resolutions are a more flexible and self-compassionate alternative to a standard new year’s resolution. Rather than setting a rigid goal, anti-resolutions focus on things that let us choose, let go of, do less of, or approach differently in the coming year. Here are some examples of anti-resolutions:

• Instead of setting a rigid goal of losing 20 pounds, a reframed anti-resolution would look something like “I’m going to stop punishing myself for missed workouts”, or
  “I’m not going to compare myself and my progress to others”.
• “I will stop saying yes when I mean no.”
• “I will stop expecting perfection from myself and others.”

Creating anti-resolutions can help address the common pitfalls of a standard resolution. The reality is that to error is human and, that no matter what, setbacks are likely to occur. When these happen, some individuals can get down on themselves and may even feel a sense of shame or failure. The anti-resolution helps address these pitfalls by reducing that all-or-nothing thinking. “They focus on direction instead of perfection and setbacks become information, not failure,” says Matthew Bane, Community Impact and Engagement Partner at Centerstone. “They also help redefine success.”

Traditional resolutions typically fail because we demand perfection in an imperfect world. Anti-resolutions succeed because they cultivate awareness, compassion, and adaptability within ourselves, which is significant when it comes to making a change.

Anti-resolutions help us reframe goal setting by helping shift our focus from self-control and perfection to self-understanding and sustainability. Instead of asking ourselves ‘how do I force myself to change’, we might ask, ‘how do I support myself better over time?’

Having self-awareness also plays a large role in creating meaningful anti-resolutions. “Self-awareness is the core mechanism that makes anti-resolutions meaningful, rather than just vague or passive,” adds Bane. Without self-awareness, anti-resolutions can become empty statements if the root of the issue isn’t being addressed. When we use self-awareness, it asks those deeper questions, ‘when do I overextend myself’, ‘what emotions am I avoiding?’, or ‘what beliefs get activated under stress?’

Not only are anti-resolutions more sustainable for most people, but they challenge us to show ourselves more grace and compassion as we reframe our goals. If you need additional support as you work toward your goals, Centerstone is here to help. Call us at 1-877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our website to learn more about our counseling services.