Teen dating violence is more common than many people realize, and it can have serious effects on a young person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. While conflict in teen relationships can sometimes be dismissed as “just a phase” or typical adolescent drama, unhealthy behaviors can quickly cross the line into abuse.

We sat down with Ryley Gill, School-Based Therapist at Centerstone to ask her the truth about teen dating violence.

How do you define teen dating violence, and what makes it different from typical conflict in teen relationships?

RG: From what I have seen, teen dating violence tends to be more harmful and controlling, either physical, emotional, mental, sexual, or cyber. It allows one partner to have a sense of power over the other in the relationship. This abuse and control can lead the victim to be coerced into doing things they aren’t comfortable with. Conflict in teen relationships usually involves disagreements that reach a resolution, whereas violent relationships often have a consistent “winner.”

What are the most common signs or red flags that a teen may be experiencing dating violence, especially ones that adults often miss?

RG: A lot of times, adults miss the signs of their teenager becoming quieter and less communicative. Some parents assume their child is hormonal, depressed, or rebellious and believe it’s just a phase. It’s important to pay attention to changes in temperament, appearance, or isolating behaviors. Teens may withdraw from friends and family or seem moody in ways that feel out of character.

Some relationship red flags include:
• Excessive jealousy
• Rising insecurities
• Invasive behaviors
• Pressuring a partner into unwanted situations
• Gaslighting
• Avoiding accountability
• Isolating a partner from others
• Monitoring their whereabouts
• Excessive calling or texting
• Making baseless accusations
• Vandalizing or destroying a partner’s property

What are some common myths about teen dating violence and why can believing these myths be harmful?

RG: Some common myths include, “It’s not that serious,” “They’re just kids,” “Jealousy is a sign of love,” “It only happens to girls,” or “There can’t be abuse if there are no physical marks.” Another common belief is that teens should be able to “just leave” the relationship. These myths are harmful because violence isn’t just physical—it can be emotional, mental, or verbal. Anyone can be a victim or a perpetrator, and it can come from any background.

How does teen dating violence affect a young person’s mental and emotional health, both in the short and long term?

RG: In the short term, teens may experience depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidal or homicidal thoughts. Some become more aggressive or display antisocial or rebellious behaviors, along with sleep issues and academic struggles. Long-term effects can include PTSD in intimate relationships, continuing cycles of violence, and generational trauma. Teen dating violence can also disrupt brain development and make it difficult to form healthy relationships later in life.

What is the most important thing parents or trusted adults can do if they’re concerned about a teen’s relationship?

RG: Parents should avoid making rash decisions like grounding their child or taking away their phone, as this can increase anxiety and fear. Instead, adults should communicate openly and create a safe space for teens to talk. Reminding teens that they are loved, supported, and cared for can help them feel safe enough to ask for help.

Teen dating violence can be difficult to recognize, but understanding the signs and challenging common myths can make a powerful difference. When adults listen without judgment and create supportive environments, teens are more likely to speak up and seek help. If you or someone you know is experiencing teen dating violence, Centerstone is here for you. Call us at 877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our website to learn more about our counseling services.