Be Well Moment: Treating Ourselves Like We Treat Others

0:00
Preparing for a Loving Kindness Meditation Practice
Welcome to Brain Health Besties, a Human Ford podcast for those of us who want to feel better but don't know where to start.
I'm Bailey, a licensed professional counselor.
0:09
Speaker 2
And I'm NIA, a qualified mental health professional.
0:11
Speaker 3
And I'm Shelby, a human.
0:13
Speaker 2
We are so glad you're here, and we believe that you deserve to know how your brain works and how to nurture it, even when self-care feels a little challenging.
0:23
Speaker 3
We focus on kindness to ourselves and recognizing our own needs with as little guilt as possible.
Because your brain deserves the bestie stars.
0:32
Speaker 1
In my eyes, I can't
hey besties, the practices we talk about here are great for your brain, but this podcast isn't treatment.
0:48
If you're feeling overwhelmed, please call or text 988.
The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline help is always available.
Hey besties, welcome to this Be Well moment.
Today we are practicing a little bit of loving kindness or meta, which is linked to our episode 31, The Gift of Grace.
1:10
A lot of times during this time of year, y'all we hear about grace.
We want grace, we give it away freely to others and at times it can be really, really hard to give to ourselves.
So this is an adapted script that we're going to read today by Doctor Kristen Neff and she we mentioned her in episode 31.
1:30
She is one of the forefronts in the the psychology world on studying self compassion and how showing up for ourselves with the same care that we show up for all the people in our spaces that we care deeply about can be life altering if we figure out how to make it work for us.
1:49
So before we get into this practice, quick reminders that mindfulness is just that practice of bringing your brain to the present moment.
However, human brains are built to wander.
2:00
Speaker 3
And they do a great.
2:01
Speaker 1
Job, yes, they do.
So if at any time you notice your brain kind of wandering to to To Do List or holiday meal prep or whatever it is, acknowledge that, show yourself a little bit of grace and welcome your brain back to the moment.
2:16
Also, mindfulness is a practice that can vary from person to person.
Some of us mindfulness is walking our dog, Some of us it's listening to our favorite song.
Some of us it is moving our bodies in some way.
It is truly whatever brings our brains to this moment.
2:31
And as long as you are engaging in that and trying to bring your brain back, you're doing your mindfulness practice exactly the way you're meant to do it.
OK?
Loving kindness in meta meditations or mindfulness practices can feel a little unattainable at times.
2:51
So what we're going to do is I'll guide us through this if for some reason, especially when they're directed toward ourselves, if it feels unrealistic or too far away for you to imagine telling yourself the phrases that we'll kind of walk through.
3:06
What I would encourage you to try out is imagining a younger version of yourself, maybe 8 year old NIA or Shelby or or five year old NIA or Shelby sitting across from you and offering that younger version of yourself.
These words.
Sometimes that can feel a little more obtainable.
3:23
Or the other trick to this is referring to yourself and the third person.
So saying NIA, I, I may you feel or Shelby may you feel.
So those are some kind of workarounds.
If this feels not realistic or a little too lofty as we're going through talking directly to ourselves.
3:42
Guided Practice: Connecting with Body and Emotions
OK, are we ready?
All right, So what I'm going to invite us to do is if it is safe and you're in a safe place, you can inhale.
Maybe try lifting your shoulders up by your ears and then as you exhale, kind of roll them back down as you close your eyes and see if you can pull your shoulders away from your ears to kind of help you settle in a little bit.
4:05
Take another deep breath into your belly and extend your exhale out.
Take another one like that, where you're filling up your lungs completely with air, and then try to slowly release that air out and take one more just like that, deep breath in and long exhale out.
4:36
Let your breath start to come to its natural rhythm, whatever feels comfortable and typical for you.
And as you do so, start to notice how you you feel in your seat.
Wherever you might be sitting.
4:52
Allow yourself maybe to sink down into your chair just a bit deeper, or on the floor.
Really feel yourself supported by either the ground or the chair you're sitting in.
5:08
Allow yourself to sit up tall with some alertness.
Try stacking your shoulders over your hips and your ears over your shoulders.
And if feeling, if closing your eyes feels a little too uncomfortable or you're feeling tired, you can fix your gaze somewhere that's maybe not too distracting.
5:32
And then I'm going to invite us to slowly bring our mind to a situation in our lives that's maybe been difficult or that has caused some stress or overwhelm.
Just whatever first situation pops up.
Maybe if it feels, if that situation feels too intense for this moment, try shifting your focus to another situation that you're a little more removed from or feels a little bit milder in intensity.
6:02
And as you bring that situation to mind, start to notice any physical sensations that you're feeling in your body.
Can you actually feel the emotional discomfort or stress in your mind?
6:21
Notice where this discomfort or stress is in your body.
Does it feel like a tingling or a tightness?
Does it feel like a tension or a pain?
Perhaps you're noticing your body temperature or your heart rate.
6:38
Just take aware of physically what's happening in your body when you're bringing this maybe tense or just uncomfortable situation to mind.
6:51
Offering Yourself Compassion and Acceptance
Now take a deep breath in and try saying to yourself internally as you exhale, this is a moment of suffering or this hurts, Maybe even just an Ouch or I feel stress.
7:12
Then take another breath in as you repeat that phrase again to yourself on the exhale.
Ouch, this hurts.
Feeling stressed.
I'm suffering in this moment.
7:31
Then take another inhale, and as you exhale, try saying one of these phrases to yourself if it feels right in this moment.
Or imagine yourself as a younger version, or in the third person.
Suffering is a part of living life.
7:48
Or maybe other people also feel this way.
Or of course I'm feeling this way right now.
Who wouldn't in this situation?
8:03
And then, if it feels comfortable, you can maybe place a hand on your heart or your shoulder, wrapping yourself in a hug.
If that feels right, maybe you keep your hands in your lap.
That's OK too.
See if you can feel the warmth and gentleness of your hands as you're saying one of these phrases to yourself.
8:23
May I show up to myself with kindness in this moment, or may I show up for you with kindness in this moment?
May I learn to accept myself as I am in this moment.
8:42
May I be a patient with myself, and again, you can change that if you need to.
May you be patient with yourself in this moment.
May Bailey learn to accept myself or herself as she is.
9:04
Just offer yourself a little bit of grace in this moment and let it echo in your mind for just a few seconds.
And then you're invited to take one last deep breath in slowly.
9:22
Sharing Insights and Embracing Self-Care Practices
Exhale out.
Flutter your eyes open if they're closed, maybe wiggle fingers and toes.
All right, what are your observations y'all?
What did you notice?
9:35
Speaker 3
I love a loving kindness practice, but I'm going to be very transparent.
When I first came to be well and we did different versions of love and kindness, it was really hard.
I probably cried a few times.
9:52
I felt really frustrated because it was so hard and I kept telling myself it shouldn't have been.
But I do love it.
And it just working through that little bit of uncomfortable feeling and just accepting that I deserve to speak kindly to myself is so beneficial and has really, really helped my mental health in the long run.
10:15
Yeah, thanks for sharing.
10:17
Speaker 2
That yeah, I always love a loving kindness too, not one that I had practiced a lot for whatever reason, I think before be be well as well.
But today I was able to get very.
I used it for a time of relaxing to just be able to take those deep breaths and to be able to just have those kind words to myself and just reminding myself that it's a good idea to do and that the loving kindness can really bend and flex.
10:41
It can go for can be really, really long.
They can be short.
They can be very focused and that was this was just great to be able to, I have this time to do that, yeah.
10:50
Speaker 1
And if I'm being completely honest at time, I love loving kindness.
However, at times the internal reflection can feel really disingenuous, especially if I'm in a hard moment.
It can be hard to say may I feel a bit of ease or understanding or grace or patience.
11:09
And I oftentimes have to use that trick of seeing myself a younger version or speaking to myself in the third person because it can feel a little lofty or floaty to to be saying to myself, may I feel this or that some there is one that I phrased that I really love when some of these feel a little unobtainable.
11:31
And it's super simple.
And it's just in this too.
So it is kind of like that, yes.
And but welcoming your whole self in that moment, like Yep.
And this too, like, yes, the joy, yes, the love, yes, the beauty and the chaos and the overwhelmed too.
11:50
It's all welcome here.
It's kind of that open door.
So I just kind of want to make space for that too, because for some of us, this can feel like a reach.
And it's a practice that we can come back to over and over and may feel very obtainable sometimes and very hard other times, or may just not be for us and we can find other things that work for us too, maybe.
12:12
Speaker 2
I take a piece of it too, you know, You both know.
I love mantras so much, but you know, maybe throughout our day, you know, we take a piece of it that really either was a little bit tricky for us that we need to remember or that was one that really hit us.
So maybe it is or you make your own, you know, may I give myself grace in this moment?
12:33
I could see that working also meeting that multiple times a day, you know, and this too or yes.
And so I love that we can use these practices kind of in different ways and make sure to go back to them though, because that is the practice, you know, like.
12:46
Speaker 3
Yep.
Or not, that's true.
12:48
Speaker 1
I guess.
12:49
Speaker 3
That's true.
But an observation can be like, that was weird, I'm not going to do that.
Yeah, that's true.
And that's totally fine too.
Yeah, yeah.
12:56
Speaker 2
That's true.
Awesome.
12:57
Speaker 1
Well, besties, we hope that this the last four episodes have been maybe a bit of a guiding force for us throughout this holiday season.
Because the reality is, yes, we deserve to feel the joy and the cheer and the magic and we also to be deserve to be fully present in the overwhelm and the stimulation and the stress and we deserve all the grace and all the spaces.
13:23
We cannot wait to meet with you again very soon.
Take care of besties.
If you enjoyed this episode, like and subscribe to Brain Health Besties so you can find us in the future.
13:34
Speaker 2
And since sharing is kind, share us with your besties.
13:37
Speaker 3
If you have mental health or Wellness topics you'd like us to chat about, please reach out to Be Well at livebrightly.org.
13:44
Speaker 2
Until next time, be well besties.
13:48
Speaker 1
Unbreakable.